Archive for January, 2014

Pinoy Jokes Part 1

Posted: January 30, 2014 in Tao Po
Tags: , ,

Joke

 

Likas na sa ating mga Pinoy ang tumawa at gawing katatawanan ang kahit mga simpleng mga bagay. Kaya naman tunghayan ang aking mga pinagsama-samang Pinoy Jokes na syang kikiliti sa inyong sense of humor. 😀

 

Juan: Pare nasaksak ako! Mauubusan na ako ng dugo! Please call me a doctor, call me a doctor!!
Pedro: Ok, YOU’RE A DOCTOR! DOKTOR KA JUAN! DOKTOR KA!!!

 

Pedro: May ballpen ka?
Diego: Sori wala e
Pedro: Ako meron.

 

Boy: Ma’am pwede ko po bang ligawan anak niyo?

Mrs: Hindi pwede, nag-aaral pa siya.

Boy: Ah… okay po mamaya nalang uwian.

 

Nasalubong ng lasing ang isang fat girl na my dalang aso.
Lasing: Hoy, san mo nakuha yang baboy?
Babae: Aso to, di baboy!
Lasing: Wag ka sumabat dyan, yung aso ang kausap ko!

 

Juan: May ballpen ka pa?
Pedro: Meron!
Juan: Ako din!

 

A Chinese and Steven Spielberg were drunk in a bar…

Spielberg hit the Chinese…

Chinese: Why you hit me?

Spielberg: ‘Coz you bombed Pearl Harbor, my father died there.

Chinese: But I am Chinese, not Japanese, stupid!

Spielberg: Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese… were all the same!

Then… Chinese punched Spielberg.

Spielberg: Why you hit me too?

Chinese: That’s for the sinking of TITANIC!

Spielberg: But the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg, you fool!

Chinese:Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg… you are all the same!!

 

Teacher: Pedro 1 + 3?
Pedro: Ma’am 4 po.
Teacher: Oh ikaw Juan. 3+ 1?
Juan: Ayan na! Ayan na! Langya… pag mahirap sa kin!

Wooo FAVORITISM!!!

 

Nene: Nay, nay, tingnan nyo po ang drawing ko oh!
Nanay: Wow! Ang galing naman mag-drawing ng MONKEY ang bunso ko!
Nene: Nay, kayo po yan!

 

A husband came home 4AM and saw his wife in bed with another man. His wife shouted at him:

“Where have you been?”

Husband: Who is that man?!?!

Wife: Grabe ka! Don’t change the topic!!

 

Mister: Laki ng problem ko!
Misis: Wag mo sabihing problem MO kundi NATIN, dahil mag-asawa tayo! O ano problem natin?
Mister: Nabuntis NATIN si Inday at TAYO ang ama!

 

Juan: Bakit ang pandak mo?
Dagul: Kasi bata pa lang ako, ulila na ko.
Juan: Anong koneksyon nun?
Dagul: Hello? Walang nagpalaki sa akin!

 

Nakabangga si Pedro ng foreigner…

Pedro: Ay sori

Foreigner: Sorry too

Pedro: Sori  3

Foreigner: What are you sorry for?

Pedro: (kala mo bobo ako ha!) sori 5

Foreigner: I think you are sick!

Pedro: Hahahaha! Sick daw? Seven sunod!!

 

Killer: Pangalan mo Mrs?
Mrs: Inday po!
Killer: Kapangalan mo inay ko, di na kita papatayin! Ikaw Mr?
Mr: Juan po, but my friends call me Inday!

 

Jeep Passenger: Manong bayad.

Jeep Driver: Saan galing?

Jeep Passenger: Sa akin.

Jeep Driver: Papunta saan?

Jeep Passenger: Sa’yo.

 

Ale: Andyan ba nanay mo?
Juan: Bakit po?
Ale: Tungkol sa utang…
Juan: Umalis po, kahapon pa!
Ale: na babayaran ko…
Juan: Pero bumalik na kanina!

 

Juan: Alam mo, ayaw na ayaw kong makakita ng nakatayong babae sa bus habang ako eh nakaupo!
Pedro: Kaya pinapaupo mo?
Juan: Hindi, natutulog ako!

 

Amo: Inday, di ba utos ko sa yo ipatong mo yung COMFORTER sa kama? Ano ‘to?
Inday: Ginawa ko po sir, isinama ko pa nga ang FRENTER at ISKANER eh!

 

Teacher: Sino pumatay kay Magellan, may initial na LL?

Student: Lito Lapid?

Teacher: Inuulit ang pangalan nya…

Student: Lito Lito?

Teacher: Mahaba buhok nya!

Student: Lot Lot?

Teacher: Madami sila…

Student: Lot Lot and Friends?

 

Pedro: Promdi ako pero di ako tanga! Bakit ganito ang kwarto ko, maliit na nga, ala pang kama at bintana?
Roomboy: Sir, nasa elevator pa lang po tayo!

 

Employer to an Applicant: So why did you leave your previous job?

Applicant: The company relocated and they did not tell me where!!!

 

Teacher: Juan, give me a sentence.
Juan: Ma’am is beautiful, isn’t she?
Teacher: Very good! Please translate in Filipino.
Juan: Si ma’am ay maganda, hindi naman di ba?

 

Bisaya 1: Gara ng kutsi, siguro kay Miyur yan!

Bisaya 2: Dili bay!

Bisaya 1: Kay Hipi?

Bisaya 2: Tuntu ka man. Kay Father iyan. Gisulat niya sa likud o SAFARI.

 

Sa Hospital.
Doc: Iha, mukhang pumapayat ka at hinang hina pa. Sinunod mo ba ang advice ko na 3 meals a day?
Girl: Diyos ko! 3 meals a day ba? Akala ko 3 males a day eh!!!

 

Sino ang mas kawawa? Yung taong iniwan ng mahal niya? O yung taong nagmamahal nang walang gusto sa kanya? Pareho lang di ba? Pero ang mas kawawa ay yung taong….. bihis na bihis na tapos… hindi naman pala kasama.

 

Sana ay naaliw rin kayo!

Hanggang sa muli. 😉

 

 

PS: Napulot ko lamang kung saan-saan ang mga jokes na ito. Ang kredito ay para sa mga orihinal na nagmamay-ari ng mga jokes.  🙂

 

 

*I do not own the posted image. All rights belong to its rightful owner.

Minsa’y may pag-ibig na darapo sa iyong puso. Iwawaksi mo ito ngunit magpupumilit pa ring maging bahagi ng iyong mundo. Magpapatangay ka’t malulunod kalaunan. At kapag natagpuan mo na ang sarili sa kanya, tsaka mo malalaman na… wala palang bukas para sa inyong dalawa.

Tunghayan ang pinili kong kanta pa sa araw na ito- Brown Eyes mula kay Lady Gaga. Hindi ito ang higit na popular na awitin ni Gaga. Gayunpaman, ito ang aking pinakapaboritong awitin mula sa kanya. Ang musika, instrumento at mga linya ng kanta ay tila ba may talim na tatagos sa kailaliman ng iyong kamalayan at kaluluwa.

 

Brown Eyes Lyrics:

In your brown eyes, walked away
In your brown eyes, couldn’t stay
In your brown eyes, you watch her go

And turn the record on
And wonder what went wrong
What went wrong

If everything was everything
But everything is over
Everything could be everything
If only we were older

Guess it’s just a silly song about you
And how I lost you
And your brown eyes

In your brown eyes, I was feeling low
Cause they’re brown eyes and you never know
Got some brown eyes, but a soft face

I knew that it was wrong
So baby, turn the record on
Play that song

Where everything was everything
But everything is over
Everything could be everything
If only we were older

I guess it’s just a silly song about you
And how I lost you
And your brown eyes

Brown eyes

Everything was everything
But baby it’s the last show
Everything could be everything
But it’s time to say goodbye so
Get your last fix, and your last hit
Grab your old girl with her new tricks

Honey yeah, it’s no surprise
I got lost in your brown eyes

In your brown eyes
Brown, brown eyes
Your brown eyes
Brown, brown eyes
Got some brown eyes
Brown, brown eyes
Your brown eyes

 

 

*I do not own the posted video. All rights belong to its rightful owner.

Dark Days

Dark days is one of the seasons of life.

There are certain days when you feel not so great about yourself. When your dreams seem so vague. When people seem so rude. And when your heart is full of ache.

This isn’t the first time she felt this way.  She had several dark days in her life before.  And they all have two things in common: she feels so powerless and insignificant.

I know all the right words to offer.  But I know as well how her heart has gone numb. She may hear you, but she won’t listen. She will agree with you, but she won’t do it. Yes. She is extremely complicated.

I fully understand all her sorrow, misery and pain. But behind those things are her yearning for love, for reason and for peace of mind. Deep in her heart, she desires to make a difference. Because there are times when she feels like she can rule the world. Or can be the president of this country. But the world is sometimes cruel. They won’t allow her. They won’t believe her. And it drags her down.

Leo Tolstoy once said that everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. And it dawned on her that she should start changing herself first. Well I think that’s natural. That a part of us really desire to be a better person than we are yesterday. But we have to acknowledge that sometimes things are too hard to handle. Too painful to absorb. And too difficult to understand.

And so at times she would find herself waking up with no reason to get up, moving with no direction, working with no progress and living with no eagerness.

She’s complicated. She really is. Is she the only one like this? No. I think many of us are like her. Many of us aim to realize our potentials; we hope that people would somehow be considerate; we want the world to hear us; and we definitely want to love and be loved.

Still, after all these depressing feelings… I know that she can’t afford to stop. She’s got to keep on going.

Let me quote an FB post with substance by my fb friend named L. Legaspi:

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Quitters never win. Too many clichés in one status, but those are the truth–otherwise, they won’t be cliché. Momentum isn’t built if you don’t keep going. Keep going. Let me say it again: KEEP GOING. When it gets too hard, too painful, too unimaginable–KEEP GOING. Until you get past that pain point and you’ve outgrown yourself. Then you will see the rewarding fruit of the momentum.

KEEP GOING.

Yes, this season is going to pass. Just keep on going. 

*I do not own the posted image. All rights belong to its rightful owner.